When is love not love? - Talk About Marriage

I think you are confusing issues and really, I don't exactly understand the question because the issues are rather jumbled. I don't know from whose viewpoint you are asking if this is love - yours, his, or between the married partners?

I would say if it doesn't feel like love to you then no, it is not love from a relationship standpoint. If he's not participating in the reconciliation or the improvement of the relationship then no, it is not love. If he says he loves you but refuses to change or even try to change then no, it is not love in the way you need to be loved. I expect you need to see some effort on his part in order to feel like you are loved by him. You might feel love for each other, but there is serious lack of commitment, and commitment is one integral element of a loving relationship and marriage.

From another perspective and putting love aside completely, I think you did the right thing irrespective of how you feel about him. You don't like that he disrespects you by forming relationships in addition to and exclusive of the marriage; you don't like that he lies to you; you don't like that he mishandles the finances, so you left in refusal to tolerate his wayward, immature, and irresponsible behavior. That is what you were supposed to do, and leaving is the thing to do in circumsgtances like this no matter how one feels about their partner. You are supposed to set standards and boundaries in your relationship/marriage for neither partner to breach. When there are so many transgressions and multiple problems, no one is expected to just put up with their partner's inability to be respectful and devoted. It appears you are unable to trust him on any leve, yet trust is another integral part of a loving and committed relationship and marriage.

---

Last edited by River1977; Yesterday at 06:47 PM.

gli joseph gordon levitt katy perry russell brand mark hurd new ipad 3 jodie fisher zooey deschanel